Living: Today my chemo doctor promoted me. After 9 years post-diagnosis and surgery for breast cancer, I’m free of Femara, Tamoxifen, and appointments with him. I wouldn’t miss a yearly mammogram for the world, though! Nine years a survivor. My mom, diagnosed in 1967, lived 39 more years, until age 82 in 2006. Thirty-nine more years would put me at 99. I can live with that!
Dying: Friends are suffering with incurable diseases: Lou Gehrig’s disease, MS. How do I face them? How do I comfort them? How can I possibly be of use when they get more and more devastating news every day–without hope–and I get more time?
Surviving: Life was incredibly, impossibly rough 9 years ago when I got my diagnosis on my 51st birthday. Stunned, but determined, my husband and I researched the very early Internet for help, for hope. We made our decisions and took the next best step. I never wanted more than that–just the next bit of information. Any more would–and often did–overwhelm me.
But life wasn’t easy. Rex too was getting sick–on oxygen from the emphysema that would lead to his double lung transplant in 2005.
The night before my surgery, I took the biggest step of my life. In my journal I wrote, “God, you have to take care of him now. I can’t carry us both at once.” And I gave it up: Rex and all of the people–family, friends, students–who I had allowed to be the focus, the purpose, the self-denying mission of my life. For the time being, it had to be first and foremost about ME–with the good Lord at my side. And so it has been — for all the right reasons — ever since.
Tears: As my friend tonight sobbed about her prognosis, she gave me this, “Tears are the rinse cycle of all that’s churning inside you.” And I pass that on to you tonight….
Blessings and amen. Sally
Sally – Your work is stunning, and your story is very inspiring. It’s great to find your blog. I blog too, and it’s such a treat to find local people with blogs I like to follow! I’m in APG with you – hope to speak with you in person sometime.
Thanks so much, Shelli. I’m working hard today on new work from Scotland so it’s so nice to get a positive word to motivate me! I remember you from APG and look forward to sharing more! I’ll look into yours. Thanks!!!